Confessions of a Digital Nomad

The concept of a higher power has always allured me, a person who has had a pious constitution for as long as he can remember. This belief always helped me confide in something external, with the hope that everything will work out eventually. Humans, I believe are wired that way. A comprehensive debate with my flatmate, a few months ago, led us to the conclusion that hope, by the very nature of it, is a primal instinct. Think about it this way. Every living being wants survival, and would always want to deal with the uncertaintities of life with some kind of optimism. That implicitly implies taking your fears and putting them on something external, with the idea that things will work out for you. I will someday write more about this, trying to convince you in case you differ with me. Today I need to pen down a moment, probably the most life changing moment I've experienced in my life so far. When I took a psychology class in college, I never understood the significance of eudaimoni...

I spiralled today, big time. I recently heard about the concept of a panic attack. They say that your chest shuts down, and the walls seem to close in on you. In that very moment, you feel like just getting out of that moment, whatever it takes for it. I wouldn't call my experience a panic attack per se. But it was horrible. Pretty close to it. I am coming to terms with the fact that this all was probably the biggest mistake of my life. It was a mistake because I don't feel that strongly about my desires anymore, the very reason I took the step. Caprice will probably kill me someday. I wish I could tell her how much I regret this and will want to work to get over it. How much I value and love her as a wonderful human being, how much I cherish our intellectual conversations, how much I wish I did not overthink and spiral that day. I don't think it makes any difference anymore. I hope to God it would. Probably life has other plans, or maybe this had to happen this way for us ...

I broke a heart. I became the cause I broke someone, real bad. I took the best day of their life and ruined it. Because of my issues, because of me not able to control my own head. Enough is enough. Today, I create a resolution to meditate every single day going forward. I will come back to this to hold myself accountable. This day, pens down my resolve and I will stand true to it.

I've always tried to find my calling. More than a calling, an inner voice that pushes me in the right direction in life. More often than not I've not found it. Serendipity has taken over a considerable set of events of my life, and somehow things have clicked when I least expected them to. But this past string of memories don't push me every waking moment of my life. Not a lot does honestly. Which is why I end up procrastinating away precious time, that I could probably be spending to attempt to make the world a better place. Today was different though. Occasionally in life, I have these realisations of gratitude, of being grateful for everything and everyone around me. It's a realisation that's positive sum in every possible angle. Such moments are the panacea to all my existential ills. Such moments, albeit rare, bring me to my core roots, and I feel life momentarily. It's been an eventful week. More so infamously eventful. I hurt someone and fucked up for the...

My heartbreak and realizations post it happening, lead me to creative nirvanas, where I manage to let words flow and string along some (pretty mediocre) unedited and possibly unfinished musings. I don't plan on making any changes to these for now. This is just for me to compile everything in one place to look back on someday, probably to laugh about the quality of the pieces. About Her, For What We Had I loved her, Like the sea waves gently merging into the shore, Like the celestial clockwork of the rising sun, Shining it's light and bringing warmth, Strong as a mother loving her child, As unconditional as nature keeps us in her arms I was complete with her, Like the yin complementing the yang, Like the smell of mud before the rains, For pictures and posts of dogs, Left a void as she shadowed away, As I stared still towards the stars, albeit through fog I came home to her, Like the light entrenched within fireflies, Like the innocence born by a child, She cured me of miseries, ...

I've never been in love with someone for the longest time, crazily enough, even in such   a   connected world. Seems rare growing up in   a   generation polarized with romcoms, that you don't feel the urge to develop any emotions towards the other half of humanity. I have been such   a   kid since childhood. Never seeking comfort in conformity. Always challenging the status quo. Investing time in what my peers were never cared to fathom about instead of the pursuit of love like most. I never looked at love the way it's supposed to. Just mere attraction waiting to be escalated if your heart wanted to. Nothing more than that, at least not to the level of spending   a   day dreaming about fancies. Consequently I did not find it the way it was supposed to be. It was in other forms for sure, love for music, Iove for art, poetry. You name the form and my artistic instincts will pour my heart out of appreciations. But never was it for   a   per...

I've always been a person engulfed with inertia. It takes me forever to come out of my comfort zone, take a step towards disrupting my monotonous daily routine and start with something. Consider sticking to it in the long run, and you'll have me run away in no more than a week. It's not that I lack the mental strength to persevere. It's just that I don't find meaning in consistently repeating something most days. There's no motivation to do that, and I've not stuck around if I've not found it. This is probably why I have come to become a jack of al-l(ot) of trades, mastering in none. I'm not proud of it, but who cares? Why I share this part of myself with you, is because I intend to change it. One step at a time though. Writing, and this blog is how I plan to start, how I plan to stick with something and see where it takes me. As advertised though, I function on motivation, and so without fuel to the fire, even this is likely to get appended to the s...