Gratitude

I've always tried to find my calling. More than a calling, an inner voice that pushes me in the right direction in life.

More often than not I've not found it. Serendipity has taken over a considerable set of events of my life, and somehow things have clicked when I least expected them to. But this past string of memories don't push me every waking moment of my life. Not a lot does honestly. Which is why I end up procrastinating away precious time, that I could probably be spending to attempt to make the world a better place.

Today was different though. Occasionally in life, I have these realisations of gratitude, of being grateful for everything and everyone around me. It's a realisation that's positive sum in every possible angle. Such moments are the panacea to all my existential ills. Such moments, albeit rare, bring me to my core roots, and I feel life momentarily.

It's been an eventful week. More so infamously eventful. I hurt someone and fucked up for the nth time. Someone who was the closest to me. The woman I love. On the day her dream came true. On the day she deserved my best. Something I cannot get over for a long long time. The worst part is yet to come. I took a decision, which hurt the both of us. I don't know what else to do. I'm uncertain about my own life expectations, so is she. I wish I could do something about it. It's a shame the way we solve for our problems differ at times. Especially on such a scale. It sucks.

The point is not to elucidate my life matters over the past week chronologically. The point is to pen down my pensive constitution of this very moment.

I cannot but be grateful to her for everything she is, and has been for me. I cannot thank God enough that God got her into my life, and mine into hers. She's perfect in every which way, flawed in the perfect ways possible. I can be loquacious when writing about her, yet my gratitude leaves me taciturn. I wish I could alleviate her of all her worries this very moment, alleviate myself from mine. I don't know where I will be in the next few months, I just wish things get better in terms of figuring this situation out, get better for her dreams and mine. I wish it gets better for us.

I cannot but be grateful for having such loving parents, for having friends who have your back the way you fancy groups in Bollywood trip trios, for having the launchpad to rise and work towards making the world a better place.

Gratitude inspires me to work on everything as I write word after word. It tells me how much people around me expect from me, and want to see me succeed. One seldom gets such an opportunity to sprint forward in life. I realised today, I've got mine and I owe it to The Universe to grab it by both hands and do justice to everything I've been blessed with.

Today, I learned what my motivation is.