The Time Travellers

"The Time Travellers". That's the name of the episode from 'How I Met Your Mother' that left the most profound influence on me. Almost to the end of the episode, Ted realizes that life has moved on and he is all alone. All those moments spent in the bar in his prime, partying, hitting on women, being through life with the best of his friends, are simply gone. He sits dreaming for hours and eventually realizes the value of time. I love this episode for multiple reasons. It communicates depth, that life waits for no one. Eventually, the bonds that were once golden, loosen and people drift apart. I did not pay attention to this specific part of the episode so much. The next one, where he runs to meet The Mother is what always melted me. I guess today its different.

Life seems to be moving too fast off late. Not in the sense that I am too busy to live or feel. People are drifting away from me. Friends, are looking forward to settle down, people are taking leaps of faith in their careers. Leaves you feeling emotionally lonely. Don't get me wrong reader, I don't want any kind of mental support or sympathy here. Life has been busy for me too, off late. But the realization that what used to quite literally be the bachelor life I envisioned growing up on sitcoms, has started to see the end of the tunnel, and that feels like a crisis. The bonds that once used to be extremely deep, seem to be fading away with time. I wouldn't say its just time though, or the distance, or the concept of being busy. Everyone's figuring out their priorities and taking decisions now. Its now or never, more like it. I need to apply for graduate school, switch jobs and grind my heart out, because I've not yet discovered what I love in the truest sense - a feeling that gives me sleepless nights, or atleast used to. My friends are busy dating or looking to settle down, because they don't want to delay anymore. This divide of thinking, of having different views on where we'll be few years down the line, is equally to blame for the divide. While I know I can always call my people up and learn about their lives and share mine, the process now feels mechanical - you ask when people are free, setup that call and talk for a while. Where are the days when we just texted/called back and forth? Where life had many more years till we adult? Where decisions did not have the urgency labels stuck over them that keep staring at your face now?

I'm not really sure if I can do anything about this. I've tried my best off late to reconnect with people, to try my best to restore the days I am missing dearly. Probably this is how life pans out, people get busy and life moves on. I probably need a philosophy, I need a way to get to the acceptance that life has always been this way. You're born alone and you die alone. It's not a sad thought if you think about it. It just implies that everyone should learn to live by themselves, learn to handle themselves. Solitude is healthy, and solitude is not loneliness.

It'll take some time for me to get to this acceptance and get to a stage where I can be by myself wholly and completely. I coined the term 'quarter life crisis' for this phase of life, where anxieties of career, relationships and life, all amalgamate to explode in your face. Right when I thought I was starting to heal from my breakup and move forward, this realization pulled me back to another core truth I need to axiomatise in my view of the world. Fair enough, I shall abide by what life is telling me and work on it. I know I will fight through this and grow stronger on the other side of this. I know this will lead to much healthier relationships, work-life balance and a healthier sense of being in general. I better start this journey.