It's Time to Move On

 She's dating someone else. I was partly shattered when I heard this yesterday. You know, my relationship has been a mixed bag of many many emotions. I guess that's why I need to move forward. Too much trauma, too much hurt, I can't take it anymore. So I'm writing this for closure once and for all.

To Her,

You told me to not hold on, that you will be taking an opportunity that comes your way. What about all that I put in? What about the intent to always make it work? I know you lost faith on us this year when I took the decision. Honestly I tried my best, I did my best to solve our issue logically. But it broke you, it broke your strength. Maybe if we had not broken up the first two times, things would have been different. Either way, 2023 has traumatised me to the core. It's broken me to pieces. Logically, I know it's for the best that we're parting ways, because my body cannot take any more hurt. The idea of hearing from you traumatises me, I'm in shock. I thought I would heal if you take effort, if we stick together. Ohh boy was I wrong about it. If I feel such intense pain an year later, clearly I never healed. I am to blame for this though. I just kept giving and giving. I loved you to death, and that's probably what's killed me inside. Even now, knowing you're with someone else makes me think you've got your dream, you've found your person. Logically, I'm happy for you. Emotionally, I'm paralyzed. Last night was probably the lowest night of my life, I've never felt so much hurt in a single sitting. I was shaking.

I loved you till death and cared about you more than myself. I made you my world and let you walk over me, let you kill me. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have, I never will. You told me to not accept you, but I did. I forgave everything you did, or atleast did my best.

I hear you're having the time of your life, that the breakup was the best thing that ever happened to you. You've changed, your life's changed. While the thought of you with someone else breaks me to my core, I'm happy for you. You've got your dream, you're job's sorted, your love life's sorted. I'm happy that I lead to some good, that the breakup eventually made you happy. But at the core it kills me. My logical brain is happy for you, my emotional brain is traumatised.

I'm done with feeling like this. I've been here for more than an year now. It's not worth it. This could never have worked out, I know it. To keep my sanity, I will be cutting off from you, probably for life. I cannot have you in my life, otherwise I will destroy myself. That's where I am. We'll probably meet next week and I'll let you know about this. It's time to let you go for once and all and move forward. Having hope for us and having you in my life in and post 2023 was the biggest mistake of my life.

Goodbye,

Shrey.

Update : 8/1/25

Okay I guess I was too hurt that day, and hence the intensity of the above message. It's fascinating how a calmer mind shifts perspectives. It's true that I need to move forward, and that it's high time. But the other undeniable truth is, I need to be honest and accountable with all the fuck ups I've done too. Yes, I had hope and faith that it'll work out even after everything in 2024, because I always believed in us, in how we are as people at our core. But I've messed up too and I need to take accountability for my mistakes. The relationship had its highs and I will always be grateful for every way I've grown because of it. She was a beautiful human being at her core, and despite our differences, she tried her best to make it work. That is the truth. I tried my best too. Probably this was how it was all meant to be.

I need to learn from my mistakes so that I never repeat them. I wish her well on her journey and am optimistic about mine. The relationship was beautiful while it lasted. Our dynamics did not work out and she lost the strength to take it forward. Maybe she did lose the strength after my messing up. Her faith was broken. If it were meant to be, it would have come back naturally. But that did not happen. That's okay. I cannot control that. We probably were meant to come into each other's lives, improve each other and walk away. It's time to start seeing my own flaws and issues in the light of the relationship.

Closure should be closure in its truest sense. Time to face justice, take accountability and grow. Time to move forward from everything.