On the fear of dying alone: A cope?

 It's been a tough day so far. Heavy chest, aching heart and a ton of sorrow. I get that the breakup still lingers, I've not fully moved on. But it's getting better. This is not that feeling though. It's the loss of hope, a loss of faith in love, a loss that makes me think if I'll ever find love again. I've advertised myself to be a hopeless romantic in this place, and at the core of it, I still am. It's just one of those days when I feel sad and hopeless, but I know it's just an emotion and it'll pass.

Interestingly enough, I started contemplating on my fear of dying alone about an hour ago. What if I never find someone? How would life be like? A deep rooted fear of abandonment from childhood does not really help me think straight when it comes to answering such questions. But I still tried, clinging on to that last piece of hope I did have even in the excruciating agony I was in. Some answers that came naturally to me were "Adopt and raise a daughter as a single dad" and "Educate underprivileged children". I did not expect to feel hopeful to say the least, but surprisingly enough, deep down, in some dimension, both these options gave me hope. It made me feel a sense of purpose, something I've not felt in a while.

So maybe, just maybe, I do have a backup plan for myself. While I will strive to find The One, I might have a higher purpose to find meaning in the worst case scenario. You see, the irony with grief is, the more it makes me feel bad about myself, the more it makes me want to spread love to the world. It's like if I'm not happy, atleast let's let the world be. It might sound unhealthy and unsustainable for me, but I don't think it does any harm. I'm feeling much better writing this down. Weirdly enough, giving more of what I'm devoid of makes me feel good. There's no cost to giving love when I can, and it's working. So why even contemplate if it's bad?