An Open Letter to Myself

Hey You,


I've always had that I will use "You", with the capital emphasis, for the person I love. It always gave me a "The One"ish vibe. I guess I forgot loving You in the process. I don't think I've ever really loved You, respected You. With so many baggages since childhood, I don't think I ever truly could. I guess I owe it to You to start now, it's high time.


You've had a rough childhood emotionally. 8th to 10th was not a particularly happy time for you. You lost some close support and grew lonely for that while. That's stayed all these years and You carried that into your relationship. Deep down, You've always been afraid of dying alone, that people won't love You back. Add to that Your practical distancing from any female contact and You've never thought You'd be worthy of ever being with someone. Yeah, that was bad. Suddenly Your relationship happened and for the first time in Your life, You felt loved and accepted. Your flaws were appreciated and Your self esteem sky rocketed. You felt alive. You loved her till death, making sure she should never have to go through anything that You've ever gone through. It was beautiful, but I do believe it wasn't truly healthy, because You hadn't healed from Your fears.


You've always been superstitious about everything, believing if You do this then things will fall in place. That worked for a while, especially during JEE. But I don't think it did You well in Your relationship. You need to move forward from this. That's the healthy thing to do. Do good for the world, be kind. Strive to make the world a better place. Everything will be fine in its due time. Everything will fall in place. You need to love Yourself before You can let anyone else love You. You can find "The One" only after You find Yourself.


This year's gonna be a real tough one. You need to love Yourself, face Your deepest and darkest secrets and sit with them, accept Yourself and rebuild Yourself in Your own eyes. It will be extremely challenging, but Hey! You've got this! You've got a long long history of coming to this stage in life, and I genuinely couldn't be prouder of everything You've accomplished. You're amazing! When the days are dark, I want You to come back to this and push Yourself forward. One day, You'll endure all of this and come out the other side, come out stronger, as a human being, as a son, as a brother, as a friend, as a partner to "The One". This year will be a testament to Your growth. Let's fucking go!

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